Emotional Attack? Or Is It...

Spiritual attack.

I don't like it. I don't want to say it but I had to be honest. I'm not happy.

NYRC is just tomorrow. And just within this week, my emotions were like riding a roller coaster.

No. It's not what you think. Things aren't just that simple. It's this and that, plus a whole lot in between.

Yes, each time, spending time with God builds a whole lot of strength. I feel good, confident that the devil is not gonna put me down because I'm victorious and he's the loser.

But I just hate it, the rare times I actually even use the word "hate", when he's such a pig-headed bad guy when I'm trying my best to be as hardcore as I can.

Stress. Depressed. Guilt. Loneliness. And more...

This is sick, the bad guy knows my weak points. Hitting me hard again and again when I'm trying to keep myself focus on the things of God.

Am I trusting in God? Am I relying on Him? Am I crying out to Him to help?

OF COURSE I AM!!! I'm always trying to put up a nice and cheerful front, not weighing you down with what's going on inside, smiling again the next morning.

OF COURSE I AM CRYING WITH MY SICK AND PAINFUL HEART DAY AND NIGHT!!!
NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT'S THE WHOLE MESS GOING ON INSIDE EXCEPT GOD!!!

I'm still believing, something good, something even greater is prepared and will take place. NYRC will be my retreat/intensive "training" to "repair" and equip me for greater things to come.

God bless~

**NYRC = Northern Youth Revival Camp

I Need My Director, Now.

Things are pretty lost for me now, I know the story line, I know my role, but I don't get the whole picture. Is that what the Director wants? Anyhow, even though now I'm not in a good state, perhaps in a mess, I'm sure that under the guidance of the Director, He'll make it all work.

I think Joshua could have said similar things about
the Director of his life. The
newly commissioned leader of Israel is standing at the
threshold of Canaan. Moses, his mentor, has died. He’s
the new top dog, and the weight of the responsibility must
have been palpable. Twice God told him, “Be strong
and courageous” (Joshua 1:6,9). And once He said it
with emphasis, “Be strong and very courageous (v.7). It’s
not difficult to imagine Joshua’s fear and apprehension.
More than 2 million Israelites were looking to him to lead
them to their homeland.

How would he do it? God didn’t provide him with a detailed script, but He did give Joshua assurances and commandments.

Essentially, God’s assurances were: l’ll be with you. I
won’t give up on you. I won’t leave you. I will be with you
every step you take (vv.5,9). And God’s commandment
was: Make sure you study and practice everything written
in My Word (vv.7-8). Joshua’s response? Complete
devotion and surrender to his amazing Guide.

Near the close of his life, Joshua proclaimed, “Not a single one of all the good
promises the Lord had given to the family of Israel was left unfulfilled; everything
He had spoken came true” (21:45).

We too can abandon ourselves to a story and to a Director who “will make it
all work.” —Poh Fang Chia

"Director, what do I do next?"

Blog Memories - May 2010 :)

Been looking through some old blog posts, especially from 2010 May, real funny stuff! HAHAH!!!
Well it feels really good reading back old posts :)
It helps a lot too, reminding me of funny times, and some really good lessons :)
Wanna check it out? JUST CLICK HERE, and it'll bring you to all my May2010 posts XD

Enjoy~ God bless all bloggers and blog readers! ^^

Some Good Stuff From My Cousin

Her name is Jessica. One of the cousins/relative who've inspired me. Here are some posts I copied from her :)

My co-worker randomly asked me to work out with her tonight, so I took it as a divine appointment. While working out she kept complaining about having pain in her hips, so I asked her to hold out her legs,& sure enough, one leg was shorter than the other! She doesn't believe in Jesus, so I asked if I could pray,& she said,"Yes." Tonight, Jesus healed her and her legs grew out & are completely even! Jesus is AWESOME!

God's love is stronger than death!! Oh how He agapes (loves) us!!

After counseling and advising students who have stolen cars and dealt drugs for a living, as well as some who have suffered from homelessness, teen pregnancy, and expulsion from high school, I think it is so important for us to focus on who we are and what we can do with God instead of dwelling on our failures. We can't expect to move forward into God's destiny if our heads are always turned towards the past.

She really inspires me to be bold with my faith, sharing about Christ and not to slack in exercising my faith especially in the area of healing/word of knowledge. Be encouraged!

My Blog Announcement!

I dumped my blog's chat box because some random people that I don't know who I think are some advertisement thingy left comments in it and out of curiosity I clicked one of the link and found out it links to a certain website then much later I tried another person's link and found out it links to the same site so I decided not to bother but more random "people" were like leaving comments and I was like "Oh no, they got my cookie which proves that I'm a blogger with a valid email.." so I can't stand those "strangers" anymore and I removed the "randomness" chat box out of my blog.

WHew~! that was a long sentence ><*~ haha~

So if any of you readers want to leave a comment, please leave them in the posts comment box :) I mean, that's the usual way to do it >< continue to enjoy my posts :)

Be informed! ;)

If Only I Can Have The Whole Bible...

In my head.

Mid-year exam had just passed. On one of the days, while QT (quiet time), I was searching through the index/thematic section (theme search). As always, when I attempt theme searching through this particular study bible, my mind usually tries to search more…and there was just so much! And not enough bookmarks or fingers to hold the pages >< aah~

“If only I can have the whole Bible in my head!” I was thinking.

Then I thought, hey~ I never did thought of it this way towards any other book, especially in exam season and Form6 is really wide-ranged. Chemistry… Biology… Math… *sigh~ my 4FLAT dream is kinda like… a dream… *sobs~ T.T

NO! Never give up! Try harder >< but this isn’t the point now.

Okay the point is, the Bible, to me, is the only book that I really really need. (“GodGirl” helps a lot too ^^) I mean, it contains all the answers to life when its just so hard to go through without a guide, a reminder, a promise, a word. If anyone would offer me the ability to squeeze a whole book into my mind, my choice, the Bible. Not Chemistry or Biology or Math, though they’ll really help me in STPM…aah my ear is bleeding again…

Anyway, just thinking that its cool to have the whole bible contents + index/themes list + concordance + bible tips in my head ^^
Thank You God, for Your Word. :) God bless~! <><

More… Confessions or Flaw List?

This isn’t so much of a confession or another list of flaws, it’s just some stuff and thoughts that came up. Anyway, FYI, I did blog about some related stuff, interested? Just click to check them out:

So what....is your Flaw-List?
“Confessions” of a Leader

Wow~ it’s been nearly a year or more since I blogged these posts..felt like I did grow a bit since then. Cool~! ^^

In the last LYPG (Local Youth Prayer Gathering), Phoeb raised the keyword of the day – MORE.
The question was: what do you think you need more?

I came up with a list though Phoeb said we take turns to share on just 1 thing we think we need. Actually I didn’t listen carefully that she said just ONE that’s why I end up with a list *oops~ >< oh well, it helps anyway XD so here’s my list;

What Do I Need More?
-Concentration
-Focus
-Punctuality
-Hardworkingness
- 自动自发(proactive, initiative)
-Patience
-Organized
-Integrity
-Do what I say/plan
-Maturity
-Wisdom
-Faith
-Leadership
-Growth

Try asking yourself, what do YOU need more?

Guess that’s about it for now. Convicted, reevaluate, change, grow. God help me ^^
God bless and God grows! ^^

Consistency.

Recently a very close friend of mine asked me of my reaction/response under different situation… “How would you react if… do you mean you’re not what you are in front of me?” Isn’t this weird coming from a close friend? I don’t think so, usually only friends like this care that much, to actually ask and know you better.

In my personal opinion and understanding, background, personality and the type of case/situation may be manipulating factors of my reaction/response/behavior.

Okay, I thank God that I’ve help clear some doubts of this dear friend of mine. Nice~ we’re happy^^ After reading some stuff on integrity written by John C. Maxwell, it got me thinking, especially the topic on CONSISTENCY.

Alright, being honest with myself, when it comes to consistency, I can’t be completely confident. It really depends on what’s the situation. For example, my blog. It’s been AGES since I blogged >< But things like going to church, SF, I can be quite consistent.

Those above are consistency in action and “duties”, so called. But now, the question on consistency is: are you the same person no matter who you are with?

What kind of answer are you expecting? Who? From me? Well this question is for you dear reader…haha~ Anyway I'll still give my answers.

Dishonest answer: No, I’m bipolar and I tend to change myself when I’m with different people.
OR
Of course I am, what you see is what you get.

Honest answer: I really don’t know how to answer to your expectations. If I say that I’m completely honest and consistent, then I’m as well as being dishonest and inconsistent. I can’t defend for myself on this case because it always depends on how OTHERS think of me, who I truly am? Only God knows for sure, because I’m not so sure myself.

So yeah, to my dear closer-than-brother friends, comrades, juniors, if I may cause or had caused any doubt in you on me, I’m sorry. Any misunderstanding is unintentional. I love you all for who you are :)
Jesus loves you more!