Emotional Attack? Or Is It...

Spiritual attack.

I don't like it. I don't want to say it but I had to be honest. I'm not happy.

NYRC is just tomorrow. And just within this week, my emotions were like riding a roller coaster.

No. It's not what you think. Things aren't just that simple. It's this and that, plus a whole lot in between.

Yes, each time, spending time with God builds a whole lot of strength. I feel good, confident that the devil is not gonna put me down because I'm victorious and he's the loser.

But I just hate it, the rare times I actually even use the word "hate", when he's such a pig-headed bad guy when I'm trying my best to be as hardcore as I can.

Stress. Depressed. Guilt. Loneliness. And more...

This is sick, the bad guy knows my weak points. Hitting me hard again and again when I'm trying to keep myself focus on the things of God.

Am I trusting in God? Am I relying on Him? Am I crying out to Him to help?

OF COURSE I AM!!! I'm always trying to put up a nice and cheerful front, not weighing you down with what's going on inside, smiling again the next morning.

OF COURSE I AM CRYING WITH MY SICK AND PAINFUL HEART DAY AND NIGHT!!!
NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT'S THE WHOLE MESS GOING ON INSIDE EXCEPT GOD!!!

I'm still believing, something good, something even greater is prepared and will take place. NYRC will be my retreat/intensive "training" to "repair" and equip me for greater things to come.

God bless~

**NYRC = Northern Youth Revival Camp

I Need My Director, Now.

Things are pretty lost for me now, I know the story line, I know my role, but I don't get the whole picture. Is that what the Director wants? Anyhow, even though now I'm not in a good state, perhaps in a mess, I'm sure that under the guidance of the Director, He'll make it all work.

I think Joshua could have said similar things about
the Director of his life. The
newly commissioned leader of Israel is standing at the
threshold of Canaan. Moses, his mentor, has died. He’s
the new top dog, and the weight of the responsibility must
have been palpable. Twice God told him, “Be strong
and courageous” (Joshua 1:6,9). And once He said it
with emphasis, “Be strong and very courageous (v.7). It’s
not difficult to imagine Joshua’s fear and apprehension.
More than 2 million Israelites were looking to him to lead
them to their homeland.

How would he do it? God didn’t provide him with a detailed script, but He did give Joshua assurances and commandments.

Essentially, God’s assurances were: l’ll be with you. I
won’t give up on you. I won’t leave you. I will be with you
every step you take (vv.5,9). And God’s commandment
was: Make sure you study and practice everything written
in My Word (vv.7-8). Joshua’s response? Complete
devotion and surrender to his amazing Guide.

Near the close of his life, Joshua proclaimed, “Not a single one of all the good
promises the Lord had given to the family of Israel was left unfulfilled; everything
He had spoken came true” (21:45).

We too can abandon ourselves to a story and to a Director who “will make it
all work.” —Poh Fang Chia

"Director, what do I do next?"