I’m sure you’ve been thinking about these stuff too, especially when you’re at least a teen. Recently I’ve been reading up “Phases’ [The Ambitions Issue]” and if you’ve been aware of what’s the latest topic in my blog, I’ve been finding out some more in-depth stuff on my personality through career / personality tests etc.
By the way “Phases” is a Christian Malaysian youth magazine published by Scripture Union, its real cool! But unfortunately, according to Runa(SU worker), “Phases” is already “phased out”, so to speak. There are no one left to run and continue to produce it (how sad~). The issues I have are from the years 2000-2002, and they’re RARE to find now!
OK anyway, where was I?
Right, so I was reading around, thinking, looking back, and wondering…What’s God’s will for my life?
I mean, so far He had guided me real closely, getting me to stay back for Form6, letting me play roles in SF and Impactors which are pretty important, giving me the opportunity to go for FWP (which I may not have the chance if I’m studying somewhere else) and revealing to me many more things about my life. Awesome. There’s just so much to tell if in detail.
Look, God had been so gracious to you, leading you every step of the way, what more can you ask? Are you impatient or something?
Impatient, perhaps. But it’s something more, it’s like the clash of what are my passion / dreams / what I’m called to be, and realities of the world of success / riches / expectations.
I’ve been told, or rather prophesied that I’ll be helping people (in what way, I won’t go into detail here), and even write books. Plus, my dream in my early teens was to become an artistic Christian leader.
Now, I’m studying science, biology in fact, plus my math and chemistry were like… ugh~
So, I’m like, “God what am I doing here in Form6?” And what do you know, ask an obvious question, get an obvious answer, God’s like saying, “Because it’s My will for your life, and you chose to follow it.” Great. Now why do I have to stay back again?...Talk about math and chemistry, I’ve read and heard that comparing ourselves with others is no longer a fair judgment of our abilities because we usually end up comparing our weakness with someone else’s strength.
But it’s hard to just ignore that nagging voice of “you’re not as good as so and so…” in your head! Come on, the dude’s got 90 for math and the other dude’s got 99 for chemistry!
Shut up. When I got my math paper I was thrilled! Not because I scored really well, but it’s just because I improved a bit from 48% in the previous exam, to 56%. While some are still pretty happy for me, but others like parents needed some convincing (so that I won’t look so weak that I needed tuition classes)
Look! No math tuition! Yet I’ve improved and I’m above average in my class! (I think, well in terms of math subject) Why can’t the world rejoice with me?
Pathetic~
Regardless of my achievements, or even if others have a big “PATHETIC” label waiting to clip unto me, I believe that God has an awesome blueprint with my name on it and my job is to do what it takes, with what I have, and live out that particular blueprint. The best part is, no one else can do that. *smile~ ^^
What about the reality versus dream part?
Oh yeah about that, it all comes down to one thing – choice. Which way after Form6 should I choose? I haven’t had a clue, seriously, even after considering my interests, strengths and weaknesses.
Pfft~ so much for reading this long post and not finding any conclusion from Celina huh?
Well there’s a conclusion, not from me, but it’s a truth spoken from the Mastermind of Life Himself: “For I know the plans I have for you… plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” [Jeremiah 29v11]Now that conclusion, I like! *ching smile~ XD Be blessed!
I think it’s exactly 3 years since then, I’ve taken out the “goodie bag” a while ago and look through the stuff.
Some pictures from NSCFL (National School Christian Fellowship Leaders) Camp at "Seminari Theologi Malaysia" in Seremban:
The Teams with their cheer!
Devotion:
more pictures~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARISSA!
Talk about rebel, and promises:
Great time of worship and coming before God~
My favorite part of the camp, "Selah" day, praying for CFs around the country (featuring: feet washers):
Here’s part of the letter from the Scripture Union team which reflects about their thoughts on the event.
I also almost forgot about the note of promise to God that we wrote during camp. Have you made any promises to God before that you had forgotten or had just put aside?
I heard the main character of a series called “F.B. Eye” quoted something like this:
